Friday, May 11, 2007

Weekend Gist.

Hey y'all. How was your week?Hope it was a nice one. Thank God it's Friday right?? Well I don't really have that much gist for you, just little tidbits.
So I was going home on wednesday evening and as I turned into my street, a car slowed down and stopped right next to me. My first reaction to this action is always that maybe the person can't find their way and they need directions and it always, always turns out never to be such a person.I need to learn! Anyway this car stops and an asian dude peeps out of the window and here goes the conversation, it was brief, sharp and straight to the point.

Asian Dude: Hi
Mimi: Hi
Asian Dude: Do you smoke weed?
Mimi: (concealing shock) No
Asian Dude: Do you sell weed?
Mimi: No
Asian Dude: Do you want to buy weed from me?
Mimi: No
Asian Dude: Thanks for your time
Mimi: You're welcome
Asian dude drives off leaving Mimi wondering and confused as to when she started looking like a drug junkie/seller but appreciated that the conversation was very polite. Lol.

Oh yea speaking of asians, something happened to me a while ago that i'd share. In a previous post I explained how some people tend to get my nationality mixed up sometimes (one man once told me to ask my mum if my dad was my real dad and I thought that was rude but I was only 10 or so then but anyway its now something I'm used to) . People trying to figure out my nationality is always a joke to me because I have heard it all from all countries, from ethiopia, to morocco, to the caribbean to asian origins to sri lanka. The height of it was when I walked into an asian shop in london (I have a thing for the asian culture as people have drove me close to thinking maybe I have relatives from there lol) and there were two men and a woman at the counter.When I went to pay for the products, the woman started to speak their language to me.The conversation went thus:

Asian Woman: &58J!!???*%$$£33"""~@@@?????
Mimi: Sorry I can't speak your language
Asian Woman: (frowns at me) you can't speak?
Mimi: No (smiling)
Asian Woman: Why no hijab? your scarf? (obviously orally challenged @ english)
Mimi: (looking confused)
Asian Woman: Your scarf..for your head?Why no tie?Why you carry your hair out without covering?You, young woman should not behave like all these london girls.Respect yourself and tie pashmina or hijab. okeey??
Mimi: (smiling) .. Ok. Thank you.
Asian woman feeling proud at having passed a message across, Mimi sparing her confusion.

Lol, maybe one day I will blog about my experiences concerning this topic, especially with nigerian guys, for example the two nigerian dudes speaking in yoruba next to me and arguing amongst themselves about my nationality and then arguing which one of them would come and 'toast' me.
I have mastered the art of pretending I dont understand Yoruba around nigerians especially in London as on every bus there is at least one Yoruba or Ibo speaking loudly on their phone or to their counterpart...Reminding me of one man on the phone on a london bus i was on one day. It was funny and at the same time pathetic and sad. Seems like I will spend the better part of today scribing conversations

A nigerian man gets on the bus looking very puffed up and upset. Sits down in front of me and folds his arm across his chest. Five minutes later, his phone rings.

Enraged Man: Can I help you?
Voice on Phone: --------- (cant hear so clearly but its a woman but jus little bits) where r you?
Enraged Man: What kind of stupid question is that? Where am i? where am i? (Loud Hissssssssssss)
VoP: -----------
Enraged Man: Don't give me all this shit men. Leave me alone. I said leave me aloonee!!!
VoP: ---

For the benefit of those who understand yoruba I will post his conversation then translate it to english for non-speakers so as not to break the flow. I should be getting paid lol.

Enraged Man: Which part of leave me alone don't you understand? Mo ni mi o ba e soro (i said i'm not talking to you). Na by force??Ehn.Ehn.Look, you are just useless.Good for noting nie (you are good for nothing). Right. You want to know where I am?Mo wa lori bus Mi o deni so ibi ti mo wa fun e. (i am on the bus and I wont tell you where I am). Right, right. You said we should go shopping. A lo. (We went). When you finished shopping and you paid (note he said 'you paid' yeye man) o wa so pe o fe sare lo check aso kan tori ni shop kan, pe kemi ba e drop eru sinu moto (you said you wanted to go and check some dress you saw in a shop and i should help you take the bags into the car). Emi na, bi mugun, mo lo sinu motor. (Me too, like an idiot I went to the car). Now, now, I am talking here so let me finish. Tell me how many minutes did it take you to check your dress? For 45 good minutes, you left me alone in the car. You did not even call to say why you were taking your time, you just behaved like someone wit no common sense.O fe kemi duro sinu motor titi shop ma close abi? (You want me to stay in the car till the shops close right?) Kon se ejo e (it is not your fault). She ni tori pe iwo lo ni motor ati pe odo e ni mo de si lati naija (Is it because the car is yours and I am staying at your place since I got here from Naija). You shall see!!! Look, excuse me excuse me, I have a Bsc and I have my Masters and I will soon start my PhD so you cannot be treating me like your slave. I dont need you to drive me around. My friend, I have a month's bus pass!!!! (@ this junction I had to pinch myself to prevent myself from laughing because he had been speaking in Yoruba half the time, I guess hoping no one understood) So take your car and drive yourself home. And dont even call me. I don't want to hear from you. Ma pe mi ra ra ra ra. (Dont call me at all, at all).

Enraged man hangs up the phone. and hisses again for punctuation. I actually thought it was not nice of the woman to have left him for 45 good minutes as he said, but mehn, the guy was vexxxxxxxed. You could practically see the steam coming out of his head. I am serious, it condensed as sweat on his bald head. lol.





Gosh I had so much to say before, digression has taken today's post. Anyway I guess today's story will come another day and I will continue my 'nationality dilemma' gist some other time. Lol.

Have a nice weekend people. I might just write again this weekend if I have time.

XxX

~Mimi~

26 comments:

Linda Ikeji said...

I guess its so easy to buy and sell drugs over there. I still cant understand why pple do drugs. Also about the Hijab, its a muslim culture so I wont disrespect it but I will disrespect anyone who tells me to wear one knowing im a xtian. So Mimi where are u from?

Anonymous said...

you just made my day,that was well funny.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

"You could practically see the steam coming out of his head. I am serious, it condensed as sweat on his bald head. lol."

Hillarity!

Thanks for your comment on my blog. Its good to know that you know how to swim so you can get to Toronto from where you are. Don't worry, I don't think the Atlantic is shark infested....

Naija Vixen said...

You this chick!!You make me laff all d tyme....u can digress!!! ;-) Luv it tho..."Asian Woman: &58J!!???*%$$£33"""~@@@?????
Mimi: Sorry I can't speak your language" WHY OH?! okay im not making much sense,but Mimi wassup with all these drugs bizness?confess oh! ;-) hav a great weekend!

Ugo Daniels said...

nice one, please keep it coming. So much lovin da songs on ya blog!

exschoolnerd said...

lol..the naija man's convo was too too funny..typical naija man...if i was dere.id have burst out laughing..i cnt control myself...

Favoured Girl said...

:Laughing:

Mimi you crack me up. Why didn't you just tell the Asian woman that you are not Asian/Muslim?
I've heard enough funny conversations like that on the buses in London. Some people just don't understand that they are in public.

ExcitedJade said...

sister mi, r u sure u dont do that "stuff"(jewo fun mi)...mon dear, i for like see ur picture oh, make i confirm ur nationality(laff).

Dipo Tepede said...

Great one, my dear......

You have an exciting blog here; I actually am enjoying myself today.

Thanx Mimi!

Dipo Tepede
www.dipotepede.com

Nyemoni said...

hehehehehe! There's nothing like a good laff to start my day.... The drugs guy, I woulda thought was an undercover cop and as for the hijab woman... I have no words for her... Now for our dear Yoruba brother.... Hahahahahahaha.... me I for no fit hold myself o! lol.. The only drawback is I don't understand yoruba... lol...Nice one as always!

Bobby said...

lollll...the naija folks on the bus story was hillarious.

Isnt that so rude when folks think you sell drugs or do drugs...
My man and I were at the mall and this little white kid walks up to us and asks my man if he sold dope...and we just stared at him, laughed and then walked away...

Stupid wanker!

9ja Opeke said...

I almost laft my brains out...Trust Naija pipo if dey don't shout while on the phone...then dey nefer start better talk. But cum oh! dat Chipito needs to be flogged well well.
Eeh wo! Iya mi o! Abomicountry for leaving a whole naija man in the car waiting... Well, let me hold my mouth bicoz I don't know the full story so abeg make I lef judgement for one corner...

Over to "&58J!!???*%$$£33"""~@@@?????" woman...I guess it is better to reserve your comments...

Eeh heh! abeg what's with that man asking you if you want or sell weed? I think you need to start wearing a T-shirt that reads..."I be Naija proper...U need to recognize"

Thanks for sharing an interesting post...

~Mimi~ said...

@ Linda. you have no idea. i live in an asian community, drugs is like water here.i didnt want to confuse the poor woman jare,let her blive wateva.

@ anonymous, glad 2 be of service:)

@ solomonsydelle, ur welcome!

@naijavixen:)me, drugs? Lailai!shey u want ni?

@ugo,thanks!!

@ESN, typical right?i know!

@FavouredGirl,i wanted to spare her the confusion of saying 'i am not asian' the explanations would b too much

@excitedjade,i dont have anything to jewo o,u and this picture thing sha.one day u will see it sha :)

@Dipo Tepede,another raving review from u.I'm glad!

@'Moni,dont worry u will tend to find every language from nigeria in london ;)

@bobby,i actually found it stupid of the drugs guy,wat if i was a cop?

@i also thought it was wrong of her to leave the guy in the car jare..lol..but he overreacted a bit..

joke said...

lmao thanks for stopping by

Confused Naija Girl said...

lol!!!! very funny! You must be one yellow paw paw for people to mistake your nationality. for some reason people mistake me as being african american or carribean. go figure :)

MightyMike said...

hahaha..funny sturves. instereting blog sha. i'll be doin random drive bys. Abeg keep the gist up to date :)

Calabar Gal said...

You are a good story teller. I loved the narration about the guy on the bus. He should have known the wahala that comes with the territory when he agreed to follow a lady shopping. She probably meant for him to join her in the shop after dropping the purchases off in the car but being tired or should I say - being a man who doesent enjoy gallivanting round the shops, he missed the message and didnt understand it? HOw on earth did you restrain yourself from laughing out loud in that bus??!?!!? LOL!!

The independent monkeys said...

Shocking post! Nice blog! Nice music.

About my name, am sorry its to do with both blogs (flying monkeys + pseudo-independent). I am no perfectionist however.

tiwalade said...

lol.." I have a Bsc and I have my Masters and I will soon start my PhD so you cannot be treating me like your slave. I dont need you to drive me around. My friend, I have a month's bus pass!!!!" that was so funny!

seriously,everytime i get on the bus there is almost always one naija man shouting on the bus, but dis guy was just teww funny.

The Last King Of Scotland said...

lol at the asian guys thinking u are part of the drug supply chain. lol at the enraged man. funny post.

9ja Opeke said...

I am sure u are tired after staying up all night listening to "Aye Ole"?...Let me know if you got the link I emailed to you...

Pink-satin said...

lol....funny!pls put up ur pic so we can see wat u really look like..my eyes are really slanty pple think i cud have a chinko mother...but i am black sa

Olawunmi said...

i swear i have laughed myself half to death. "i have masters and bsc and gini?" its true o, my academic qualifications mean that you can't treat me like shit what?!!

you must look exotic, otherwise people wouldn't constantly mix up your identity. that cannot be a bad t'ing. not bad at all.

abeg ignore the drugs guy. i get that all the time, and it has stopped vexing me. i suppose the fact that my hair is nappy as a jungle helps the rasta mis-identification. still, do i not have a right to be black and ethnic without looking like a junkie or worse? [hisses] lol.

Bitchy said...

LMAO!!!! I thought after the Asian woman it couldn't get any funnier. And even though I don't speak Yoruba, I read the Yoruba bits because I know how to say the words so well (odd isn't it? I also used to come 1st in Yoruba in my year group every year when I was in secondary school in Lagos, meanwhile I don't speak a dot!). And I knew the Yoruba words would make it all the more funnier. That was so funny. Lol! xxx

Naija Vixen said...

LOL @ Pink-Satin...you could be "BLACKANESE"...babes,update now!!!!

vindication through innocence said...

lol!!tewwww funnay!!!gosh!!!the bus pass thing had me rolling men!!As in the guy thinks hes flossing cos hes got a bus pass??allow that!!its not even a travelcard!!lol!!but the woman took the mick!!
LOL and the hajib stuvvidells!!hehe!!i remember when one lady in a carribbean shop asked me if i remembered her from the trini(trinidadian) carnival!!i was rolling on the floor!!the closest ive been to the carribbean is New york!!